Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
