thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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