dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
