i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
