Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
