i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
