I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
