i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
