I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
