I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
