i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I am available for nakedness
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
