There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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