called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
