Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
