at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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