weddingsv make me drug and hornr
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
We named our party play list daddy issues
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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