Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
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