you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
