Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Randomize
