question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
