A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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