Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
