Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
