i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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