i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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