Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
