i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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