i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
