why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
