Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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