Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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