He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
