so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
He passed out mid-signature
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
