Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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