The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
