screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
