You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
