Michael Bay diarrhea
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
did i walk over a car last night?
i drank out of a bidet.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
