I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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