apparently the secret to your success is patron
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
So many bounce houses so little time
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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