You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
