4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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