Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
