How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
