I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Randomize
