How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
