What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
