You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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