yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
