He felt like a one man threesome
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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