Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
