HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
